My Favorite Reviews

The reviews listed below are my top favorite reviews I've gotten.  I've enjoyed reading them, replying to them, I feel like I've connected to the person writing the review, some of them have scared me at the beginning of the review (10 and 13), and they make me feel like I've accomplished something.  Whether long or short, I enjoyed that they weren't generic or copied and pasted, and that I felt they were human beings treating me as a human being, as opposed to a computer who has all of the chapters somewhere in its memory-banks or something.  

1. Site: DeviantArt
Work: “Mary-Sues: Part 1”
Said by: ShadowsHeir500

This is a very great and informative list. I like how you clarify that many traits and writing styles that get associated with the Mary Sue are not necessarily what makes a Mary Sue but how the author handles it. There's nothing wrong with having an attractive, skilled, talented, beloved, and/or scarred character, but the flaws have to believably balance the virtues.

One thing I'd like to add (two years later) is names. I know you mentioned how a name should fit with the culture they're living in, and I agree, but there's a much subtler misuse that I often notice. Many people think that names reflect the character, which is why you get such cliché names like "Raven" for Goth chicks, "Britney" for cheerleaders, "Frank(ie)" for tomboys and so on.

While this may be partially true, I think names reflect the parent or guardians more than the kids. Different names appeal to different people and which name the parents or guardians choose says a lot about them, which in turn can reveal a lot more about the character's family, culture, background and upbringing.

2. Site: DeviantArt
Work: “Mary-Sues: Part 3”
Said by: TheAwesomeMeerkat

Wow. Your Mary Sue guide is the most helpful and insightful of all the ones I've seen so far. I thought I'd see a flat-out "don't give your character too many powers no matter what" article that sounds like what everyone else is writing, but I was wrong…Excuse me for the cliché but I'll never see Mary Sues the same way again. This was truly impressive.

3. Site:  DeviantArt
Work:  “Mary-Sues: Part 3”
Said by: ShadowsHeir500

OH MY GOD!! I'M SO SORRY!!

I thought I sent a response for this weeks ago and I was wondering why I never heard back from you, then I checked it today and realized it never got sent. I don't know what the problem was; maybe it was my computer, maybe the internet was being spotty again, or what, but either way I'm sorry.

Feh, I originally had a VERY long-winded response, but the long and short of it is that I LOVE what you have to say here.

Again, I love video games and I usually like reading fan fictions about video games (like Neverwinter or Dragon Age), but it gets a little silly when sue writers completely break the game mechanics and give their characters WAY too many strengths, talents and abilities. I can understand wanting to give your character access to a few relatively higher level spells or cool fighting moves earlier on, but having him or her easily hone super high level spells and fighting abilities better than seasoned mages or veterans that have been honing their skills for years when the said character is still (supposedly) an inexperienced apprentice (that hasn't seen combat a day in his or her life) just breaks suspension of disbelief. That and taking away all weaknesses, especially ones that are perfectly reasonable. xP

I liked the Hero's Cycle, that was a great touch. I personally learned it as the Hero's Journey, which has different names for the steps, but it's ultimately the same thing. I think that all great stories that we know about use the Hero's Cyrcle without exception: Beowulf, King Arthur, Luke Skywalker, Frodo Baggins, Harry Potter. I've said before that after going through extensive physical, mental and emotional trials, NO PERSON can realistically stay the same at the end of the journey as when they began.

I don't know, you covered everything so beautifully in your chapter that I don't have to. I'm sorry that my first review didn't get to you, I don't know what happened there. But suffice it to say, I love your chapter! <3

4. Site: DeviantArt
Work: “Freeway 60”
Said by: AdmiralSilv

I wouldn't say it's not my "style", but the rhythm definitely seems off in places (even as free-verse, it could be fabricated). That being said, I enjoyed the story you had to tell and the descriptions used to convey your message, though they did seem a bit plain up until the penultimate stanza-

Make use of that formaldehyde
And make our peaceful faces one big lie.
Embalming, painting, and sewing
Our faces that need reconstruction.
Screw our jaws shut, knowing
That nothing will take back the destruction.

-conveyed a part of the postmortem process that most people don't write about, at least not creatively. It served well to express metaphorically the unalterable effects of not just this decision, but the the disastrous attempts at others.

5. Site: DeviantArt
Work: “Getting Sucked into the Universe”
Said by: Novadestin

While I haven't been able to read all the rest of your stuff, I had to stop and read this because it's actually one of my favorite kinds of stories. Well, to be clear, I don't at all mean crossover fics like Inuyasha ends up in Naruto land or something like that. I mean stories about essentially real people crossing into these universes and then seeing how they cope. It's the psychologist in me lol. Those particular kinds of crossovers aren't overdone (as far as I know, I could be wrong!) because people are so afraid of being accused of author insertion.

Anyways, kudos for knowing how to handle cliches. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who complain about cliches when their reviewing a single story or character. Cliches are only applicable when reviewing multiple things, that's the whole point  Moving on, cause I could talk about that annoyance all day lol, I would definitely say that the method of getting characters from one universe to another is usually the most difficult part to figure out, which is why I see most people who are attempting crossovers do the simplest thing possible and call it good. It is definitely an area that could use more creativity but, in the end, if it works for the story than it really is just fine. I personally have used a messed up spell (Harry Potter - amusingly, that story is titled "Mary Sue"... you'd have to read it), crazy science (FlashForward), astral/out of body (Harry Potter, Robin Hood BBC, others), and a few more that I can't really say without giving things away. Of course all of those have much more detail in the actual stories but I thought I would keep it simple here. I have also used the idea that the other "universe" was a show within the universe I was writing for (Sailor Moon and Death Note being shows within the Harry Potter universe) but that's not quite the same thing.

A few questions I would add to your list would be: Do they tell people about what happened? If they are from the future or know more about the "story" than has happened do they try to prevent or cause certain things? Do they think their crazy/dreaming/whatever or do they quickly accept what is going on? How do they deal with basically not existing (this is more for modern era stories, like having no birth record so they can't get a job and such)? I could probably add a few more but it's late and my brain doesn't want to work anymore

As for returning home, you're right, most people skim over a lot of that stuff. I would think it probably has something to do with the writer enjoying the fantasy too much and not wanting to return to reality themselves  but it does need to change. Whenever I write stories like this, all the "what if" questions about "back home" are done as internal dialogue which I think is a wonderful opportunity to really get into your character's head. Again, that's the psychologist in me. That inner turmoil, for me, is what makes these kinds of stories so appealing, without it what's the point other than daydreaming?

Personally, and I just had this thought, I would love to see a story about the "afterwards." Where the plot centers around someone who was sucked into a universe and that story has already past and they went through the whole "I'm going to stay thing" but now they are dealing with that having to stay decision and are second guessing things. Somehow, I doubt many people would be able to pull that off well because part of being a writer is to have that need to escape reality into a world that looks great as a story. But once inside that world, it has it's boring ordinary days too and we can't just keep leap frogging around  If anyone comes up with a story like that let me know!

Ah, the idea of actually being able to escape is a seductive one to write about, but it's also one that really needs our attention as writers because it's so easy to slip into that daydream-y mode and forget that you still need good structure, details, and cohesion. It's sort of like great romance stories, you can tell when the author has that deeper understand and isn't just writing a love story to write a love story. Eh I suppose that applies to everything doesn't it? lol forgive me, it's bed time, I may just be rambling now xD Either way, everyone should attempt a story like this (attempt all different kinds, try new things!) and everyone should treat them with the same respect they would any other story. Not every tale about crossing into another universe is author insertion, and even if it is, so what? Live vicariously

6. Site: Wattpad
Work: “Cheater! [OHSHC KyoyaxOC One-Shot]”
Said by: HeyHatersItsLee

I love how you describe it like the anime. Like they wouldn't really sweat drop but if this was an episode they would

7. Site: Wattpad
Work: “Cheater! [OHSHC KyoyaxOC One-Shot]”
Said by: Lightingupthesky

This is soooooo good the thing is @ratherbwriting I didn't know you even read this and the whole time I was thinking “gosh she would love this I should tell her” and look!  HatedLove6 I really liked this, the whole time I was like “itprobably the girl” and like really close to the revewal I thought “wait maybe it was the brother” and when it was revealed I was like “really me? Really?” XD

8. Site: FanFiction
Work: “Cheater!”
Said by: Pie [anonymous]

I knew it!
Knew Kasumi was the troll - though you did a great job making me doubt by throwing her brother into the mix, and your characterization was brilliant!
Only criticism would be that it was written in the present tense instead of past tense. Not a huge deal, but in a narrative, past tense is easier to process.
This story was pure epicness, I absolutely loved it.

Thank you for all your effort and imagination.

9. Site: FanFiction
Work: Chapter 8 of “From What I Have Gathered”
Said by: SugarCoatTheTruth

You're amazing! Take your sweet time, lovey! I enjoy a good surprise once in awhile. Haha :3 I was reading "Sequestered Mind"(speaking of which, I have to review and favorite. Haha) and I was like, awesome author, must have a few more stories... Than I found this piece of art and I quite literally died..
... Nah! I kid, I kiddddd! Haha So, the budding relationship between her and L? BRILLIANT! You little devious genius you. ;{D(- man with a mustache) I can give you one guess to what her lotion is... STRAWBERRIESSSS!
Also, I'm not surprised you enjoy writing Death Note! Your writing skills and DN's awesome plot line and characters? UGH! Match made in heaven!
Haha Update when you can! I can wait for the surprise little update in my inbox... Maybe. :#

10. Site: FanFiction
Work: Chapter 11 of “What is Perfection?”
Said by: Doosle

Do you know what I hate? Stories that fans have wrote that have characters saying things or doing things they wouldn't and when things happen for no reason and without explaination. I have read so many of those in the resent past and I am sick of it. I was good to get some relief in reading yours! You really took on the character as id they were of your own creation. need writers like you. I will be submitting a story of my own soon (I haven't yet) and I hope that you get a chance to read it!

11. Site:  FanFiction
Work: Chapter 15 of “Puppet Skin”
Said by: Phantoms Lil Waffle

I really like your story and the relationship between Nekozawa and Iiyo!
I'm curoius (Probably like many others) about Iiyo's Aura reading abilities
OH MY WAFFLES! I love the Tamaki's outcome! And we all know who that woman is ;D
I can't wait to read more and I hope you Update soon!

12. Site: FanFiction
Work: Chapter 2 of “Puppet Skin”
Said by: Micky M [anonymous]

Hahahs, I promise I'll log in afterwards but as of now, I can't help but enjoy this! I normally love to read fanfictions about the main characters but reading one about Nekozawa like this, has made my day! The OC is so believeable and relateable. You've made Nekozawa an enjoyable character to witness too! I love how the pace is going and is craving for more updates!

13. Site: FanFiction
Work: Chapter 1 of “Living in a World of Strangers”
Said by: loritakitochan

I hate OC

I hate Akito paired with an OC

I would have loved to hate this story.

I started to read this story only to flame you,my points were:

1. The Sohma are rich, they could afford to stay in a hotel

2. Why should Tohru be living first in a tent and later with some strangers if her cousin is such a guy?

So this story must suck.

But I must admit the story is good,kind of realistitic (they aren't crazy in love after 1 chapter) and most of all original.

So I had to change my mind,it's not my cup of tea, but you are doing a really fine job.

...still...I don't get your 'What happens with Shigure?'?

You mean Shigure is in love with Aki,or do you plan to pair him with someone else ((Mitchi maybe?)

14. Site: FanFiction
Work: Chapter 13 of “Living in a World of Strangers”
Said by: Tuliharja

Anyway, just saying for the future -when Hitsoku is thinking the near-future moment in present time, remember show readers what he is doing at the moment between his thoughts.

The flow between the first two paragraphs (Tuesday was going-... and I had bough-...) weren't that fluent, but it was okay. But I think it could had been better, since I somewhat got a feeling you just wanted point out quickly what Hitsoku would need in his new job and what it was like. (Before he ended it. By the way, if he already was a tattoo artist, why he ended it back then?)

I feel like he has to buy lot of for that job...;_;

Why he named Shigure Mr. 20 questions? I'm curious to know.

Erm, does he realize he just made an agreement with Shigure to visit with his place? ' (Why I've a feeling Hitsoku is NOT going to enjoy that visit?) Oh! Does the trio still live in Shigure's place? (Since you mentioned Hitsoku didn't want call Tohru because he scared Shigure would answer...I though they already moved from his place...)

You know, you're making me more and more sympathetic toward Hitsoku. He seriously needs a sign where will read 'hug me and love me'. It's just so sad to notice certain things about him...That why I think he and Akito will make a great pair. Even though, after reading the end I'm scared, if they'll ever move together will they accidentally burn their house or what...They both seem somewhat hopeless. '

And more about the ending -the karma seriously hit Hitsoku on the face. Doesn't he know eardropping is rude, not to mention you'll never hear anything pleasant about yourself...-.-'

I don't know, should I facepalm or kick Hitsoku or just laugh.

By the way, doesn't Akito have anything to do? It seems she doesn't do anything -just babysittering around Hitsoku most of the time...Dx Even the Main House got burned, did she quiet her job as the Head of the family? (I'm just curious to know. I can understand Hinata and her mother's case, but Akito's case is wondering me...)

You know, I just enjoy Hinata and Hitsoku moments. Those are always so cute. Even normal guy would had already die for shame...But Hitsoku is surviving in his own way about it. It's just cute.

15. Site: FanFiction
Work: Chapter 16 of “Living in a World of Strangers”
Said by: Venas

I'm really liking this. Hitsoku has got a very unique personality that's extremely likeable. Akito doesn't have a really bad temper in this and it really suits her in a way that it seems it was always her personality. Shigure seems really evil in this but at the same time his really twisted personality, jealously, and possessiveness is just the way he is but it's overlooked sometimes by his constant preteen-in-a-grown-man's-body act.

I love the quotes and can't wait to see more of them, and more importantly, more of Hitsoku's story and his romance with Akito.

16. Site: FanFiction
Work: Chapter 18 of “Living in a World of Strangers”
Said by: Tuliharja

Hmm-mm, I kind of agree about Shigure about that Hitsoku is being slightly dense... His crush might not yet be in level of love, but he is seriously having some kind of feelings with Akito. But I guess it'll take for a while before he admires any kind of feelings toward her... But it's sweet he is SO caring toward Akito.

What made me happy in this, was that, Akito has started to realise things by herself and now you showed she has is growing as a person. It feels nice to see this kind of Akito, because the manga's end sort of promised this kind of Akito...

I also liked the fact how you'd brought Akito's POV in this...It didn't feel that disturbing, only the last change...When Akito came to check Hitsoku. Somehow, I felt like it had needed a big sign saying 'after half hour'. ' But otherwise this was really good chapter.

17. Site: Ghosts of the Vanguard
Work: “Mary-Sue: Things you Need to Know”
Said by: LegatosServant

What an informative piece! I like that there's a reference for people instead of "Umm, Mary-Sue? They are... perfect and powerful. Yeah." Which is infuriating and such a broad thing that they don't even explain what the exact problem is. I've seen many "too powerful" characters that ended up becoming more developed and believeable--same with "perfect" characters. It's when they DON'T grow that it becomes a problem.
This was very well written and incredibly informative! Bravo!
I also wanted you to know that partway through the piece the "headliner" portion of each idea shifts formatting from center to right aligned and it was surprising. Just letting you know!
Great job once again!

18.  Site: Ghosts of the Vanguard
Work: Chapter 1 of “Things I Wish I Could Tell Some Reviewers Without Looking Like a Total Jerk”
Said by: Passerby

HatedLove, though I have not experienced some of these (was this for DeviantArt, too?) I totally agree. Especially with the ones I have experienced. I wanted to say something about the one-line reviewers too, but didn't want to offend anyone. But thank you for this. It gives me a little more confidence in knowing you feel the same. After all, it is only fair we receive honest feedback, right? 'Please update' is honestly the most common line.

This 'rant' you have is so relatable. Number 14 made me laugh, by the way. Though they may be heartfelt reviews (some of them are), they should try harder. It doesn't take much effort. In fact, I don't recall anyone pointing out any flaws in my story though I beg them to. It's always 'cool!'. Totally not being a narcissist, I promise. I know I have errors, and as someone without a beta I would like to know if my stuff is OOC or the plot is stupid, or if there are plot holes...

I really appreciate that you took the time to speak up for yourself and for other writers. You went into so much detail, too. Despite others writing 'rants' similar to this one, they were much nicer. I like your blunt honesty. It is refreshing and I favor this style. Your 'rant' expresses everything I feel more realistically (to me).

Thanks for ranting, HatedLove!

19. Site: Ghosts of the Vanguard
Work: “A Witch's Fairytale”
Said by: CleverFox

Woah! This was such a great read- I got shills at the end! I had a bit trouble understanding what they were saying at first, so I had to read it slowly and sometimes even say it out loud just to get a hang of it. I've never been good with Shakespearian

20. Site: QuoteV
Work: “A Smile to Hide (CYOA/WWYFF)” [the review was done in the forums]
Said by:ηєνєя ѕтσρ вєℓιєνιηg

Hello~ Here's a return review! ^.^

Totally digging the plot and the names of the characters. Though the plot is pretty original, it still reminds me a lot of The Mortal Instruments series, not that that's necessarily a bad thing seeing as many works get rubbed off on by popular works. I'm very interested in what will happen in the future of this story.

The formatting is a little bland, honestly. It's sort of hard for me to distinguish between answer choices and where the story continues because everything is bunched together so tightly. Even a little indication would make it a little bit easier for me to distinguish the answers from the rest of the story. Like a little '~' or the letter being a color other than black, like red or maybe a color varying between letters (H is green, A is red, etc.,). Also indenting your paragraphs would help with distinguishing between answers and other paragraphs.

And as you so enjoy, thank you for a proper description.

I've never done a CYOA story so this was quite a fun experience for me. You were quite clear on how to go about doing it so that was helpful.

And I suppose that's all I've got to say. I'll be trying to keep up with your story, as it's has a very promising plotline. Best of luck!

21. Site: Lunaescence
Work: “Crushing From a Height”
Said by: Shihaisha

Hi, I was actually just reading the essay that you have in the most recent section (and being the curious person that I am), I had to look at your other written works. This popped out at me in particular and I had to give it a go. I have to say that I am shocked that this did not have one review. So, I am giving it one.

It is my opinion that you wrote the plot given you beautifully. The characterizations were wonderful and the comedic elements were spot on. I have to admit that I am partial to 1rst POV simply because (if done right), the reader can really connect with the character. I thought you did this very well and I very much enjoyed following Georgia.

22. Site: Lunaescence
Work: “Mary-Sue: Things You Need to Know and What to do if You See Them”
Said by: Bailie-chan (anonymous)

This was/is so well written! I can honestly say that i'm a veteran writer(8+ years) and I still got a lot out of this. I understood the basics of MS's and their flaws but you going into detail just made my understanding shoot through the roof. I think back to when I originally started writing and I grimace. I first started on the old quizilla that was still owned by the original owners and my first story was a D.N. Angel fic with Satoshi, My OC was really soulless. perfect hair,grades,rich, played every instrument, instant friends with everyone etc.. I was lucky enough to have such wonderful authoress writing around me that I realized I wasn't up to par. and I worked harder on me and my work and I personally think I upgraded lol. I have to catch myself sometimes though, falling into the MS trap is really easy.

Anyway Wonderful job on this and I'm glad you uploaded this for everyone to see.
Lots of love

23. Site: Lunaescence
Work: “Mary-Sue: Things You Need to Know and What to do if You See Them”
Said by: Rouge Fugitive (AKA Rouge, Rougeberry, Tea Time)

Honestly, I thought that this article would leave a bad taste in my mouth with too many examples of a carboard cut-out Mary-Sue, which I could and would somehow relate to my own characters. It didn't. It was pleasantly objective, nonthreatening and there was certainly no finger-pointing. You summed everything up nicely and gave the reader a good enough example, in my opinion. Can you tell I loved this article?


I and I'm sure a lot of other writers here can relate to this article a lot. We were all AHW's, Fantasizers, and DGD's once, some more than others. Everyone's first work is awful, I think, but it somehow still gets readers and even that one horrible flamer who never explains. I still feel like I'm an AHW, even though I know I've come a long way since my first posted story. No matter what, I'm always going to be still learning and still writing and still learning while I'm writing. Recently, I feel like I've been at odds with my writing and it's like I haven't been improving much, but reading this has given me a new energy to write. I'm going to appreciate how far I've come from now on, so I can keep improving.

Anyhow, I just wanted to address a few things about your article. "In other words, if the character is not a self-insert, the character becomes a mouthpiece so you can rant during a story. It is unprofessional, and never a good idea." This part made me laugh. I've seen this so much, but mostly in stories that are meant to be parodies and comedies. Well, at least I think they were parodies.

"They come here for the first time, see all these great (or not so great but don’t know it) stories..."

This explains everything.

Also, if you found it by now, my mistake, but at the end of the Unique section, at the very last sentence, it wasn't finished. I'm thinking that it should end in "..is a must."

Well, thanks for taking your time to write this. I enjoyed it and I hope more people will come to see it, too, because it's worth a lot to the older writers and the AHW's.

24. Site: Lunaescence
Work: “Mary-Sue: Things You Need to Know and What to do if You See Them”
Said by: DamnBlackHeart

Well said and excellently written! I like that quote from Stephen Manes. Perfect would be a doll. It's so perfect that it exist but isn't living because it doesn't need to eat, to sleep, to talk, to move, to think at all. So it's perfect because it doesn't have those "flaws". Or a piece of paper. lol

I totally love that bit about "If you are self-inserting in a Japanese based setting, it would probably be better to translate your name to Japanese." That is something people should look into when the fandom they are self-inserting themselves into is all Japanese or some other culture. Just for fun I once did translate my name into Japanese from Paula to Paura, which I wasn't surprise because of the whole "l" and "r" thing.

Oh and the section with the italics about the review you got on FFNet, there's a space/indent that cuts off the flow of the sentence. Other than that, everything is great and I did enjoy reading this.

25. Site: Lunaescence
Work: “Mary-Sue: In a Fight”
Said by: Rouge

Newton's third law of physics: To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I don't know if that works here, but it sure reminded me of it! I never actually thought of the passive and active sentences this way before, it'll definitely make me more aware of what I'm writiing these days. For some reason, I always thought that writing short sentences was lazy or unimaginative, so I've leant towards trying to be more descriptive, and adding comas and such. I want to try using short, fast paced sentences for action scenes, and see how it turns out. And I can see what you mean with the "by" part, it feels like someone's describing what she saw in a police report with your example, instead of an actual scene.

26. Site: Lunaescence
Work: “Mary-Sues: In a Fight”
Said by: SacredTear

These really are such a joy to read! And they're so relevant to the stories I write too so they are extremely helpful. I often spar with my brother whether it be sword fighting or martial arts and I find it helps SO much with my descriptions! Research really does help that's for sure.

I know it's wrong of me to make assumptions so I think I am guilty of using words others probably don't know such as "kip up" and "aerial". In my mind I'm like WELL IF THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS THEY CAN LOOK IT UP. But I know that's wrong X_X but how else can I describe what it is? Since it's an action scene it flows better saying "You ran over to your downed sword, performing an aerial as you reached down to grab it before standing at the ready once more." Rather than "you ran over to your downed sword, doing a hands free cartwheel that allowed you tograb yyour sword once more." I dunno. I mean I guess it still works but it just sounds less...intense lol So how would you go about describing moves that most people may not know without detracting from the flow or the action?

Thanks again for all your great work! I really do enjoy these ^^

27. Site: Lunaescence
Work: “Mary-Sue: Realistic . . . According to the Universe”
Said by: Rouge

When I first read the Realism vs. The Universe part, I was surprised. I've been trying to keep this rule in my head for a while that there's a line between the universe in my story and reality, and it feels like it's become distorted somehow, and I've been to nervous to do anything about it because I'm worried I'll get a comment about how unrealistic things have turned out to be. That was kinda of an eye-opener for me, especially with your Mark Twain quote, “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.” I really enjoy the quotes!

Everything you wrote here really makes sense, especially with your picking on Twilight. I agree that it could have been a very good book if it was written better because, to me, it's kinda like a fan-fiction written by a preteen like you said, but I can't say that I don't enjoy it sometimes, and am not on Team Edward.

The concept of defining a Mary Sue by the universe she lives in is very interesting and gives a new outlook for me on the subject. From what I gathered, you're saying a Mary Sue is only a Sue if she does not fit into her universe, and you can not strictly base her universe off of the original or the real universe unless it's stated by the author? She may or may not be a poorly written character, but if she fits into her world, she is not a Mary Sue. I hate to admit it, but I'm confused because you're changing my entire perspective on Mary Sues. I'm going to reread your other articles to find out what a Mary Sue is again, haha!

Another great article, thanks for opening my mind once again! By the way, would you be completely against evaluating the Sue-ish-ness of one of my OC's? It's a posted story, and you're like the official Mary Sue Guru around here.

28. Site: Lunaescence
Work: Chapter 2 of “Mary-Sues: She Banged the Love Shebang”
Said by: Rouge

As usual, I love reading your guides! I found this very informative and helpful, and I appreciate you being thorough enough to make it longer than your usual chapters. I think I can tell that you're passionate about this subject, since everything was explained in a very mature and precise way. I really enjoyed reading this.

I loved reading all of your examples of other books and they were clear and easy to understand. Your explanation of The Body Finder was very interesting, especially when you brought up emotional and physical stakes/conflicts. Once you brought up Twilight, (it was funny how you sounded annoyed while bringing it up as an example again), I understood the emotional and physical stakes/conflicts a lot better, which is basically character developement that the love interest/s experience throughout the story to build on their romantic relationship and bond? There has to be more to a story than just "I want your love. Give me your love. I want to stay with you forever! Who cares about anything and everyone else?"

In the "The Scenes" section, I actually understood all of the little innuendos except for "Nothing blue?" Why would it be blue? You've got me worried, since I don't know. It's worrying, since I've scheduled one of my stories to include a sex scene soon, and - and..! I've read stories, not on this site, with the cliche sex scenes you referred to, and it wasn't really that hot. Here's to hoping I don't repeat the same mistakes after reading your guide, and making mental notes of your examples.

Woah! I had no idea about the "interesting trivia" you inserted in there. I admit that I had an "aha!" moment because it really makes sense now. So did the bit about sex in the shower! Haha!

I'm a little proud of myself that I've already done plenty of research about the topic of pregnancy before I read your "Questions to Ask" section, and now I'm going to do some more research on the websites you mentioned like Men's Health! I also got curious and bought the book The Dragon Lord since you made it sound so interesting.

Thank you for taking your time to write this guide! I'm going to keep this in mind, and come back when I'm writing later. I still see you as the Mary-Sue Guru!

29. Site: Lunaescence
Work: Chapter 2 of “Mary-Sues: She Banged the Love Shebang”
Said by: Inamorata

Simply because sex scenes are either all or nothing to me and so many people get it wrong. There are some points you are incorrect about though.

"Even if there is no penetration, she can get pregnant off of dry-humping because sperm can survive for a couple days on clothing and the body."
No. Once sperm dries out (within minutes), it dies. It can survive for about 5 days INSIDE the woman's body.

In regards to female orgasms, it really all depends on the person. I'll step out of my boundary of comfort and say that I can have my first orgasm in less than five minutes. Whereas my boyfriend has been able to hold off for two hours (additionally, when he does climax, it is during one of my own; always). And I honestly cannot verbally describe orgasms.

So it really does depend on the individual people involved. You can't just say these are the facts of everyone because that's just untrue.

Another HUGE pet peeve of mine is the misinterpretation and misuse of the 'hymen' in sexual scenes. It's not a barrier that must be broken through like a dam. It's a flap of elastic skin. Unless it's particularly inflexible for a particular woman, it's not going to be very painful or tear or bleed. It happens; I know someone who had to have surgery because she couldn't even get the tip of her pinky finger inside herself.

30. Site: Lunaescence
Work: Chapter 1 of “The Mary-Sue Complaints Checklist”
Said by: Rouge

As always, I feel that your guides are spot-on, easy to read, and explains the point you're trying to make very well. That's a part of the reason why I like reading your guides. Even though you're talking about reader-inserts/the second person POV, (and it's predecessors, or at least I think they are: CYOAs and such) and you mentioned that your preferences just aren't there, you're not rude about it, like you don't talk down about them in any way, and you don't reiterrate over and over that they're not your cup of tea. I was once told that because I write them in particular, I should expect that kind of behavior to come when all over the internet on fan fiction sites, that kind of behavior is unavoidable at times no matter what you post. What I'm trying to say is that I'm grateful that you even added this chapter discussing POV's, it was very nice to read. :]

And I since I forgot what it meant, I had to look up The Fourth Wall on Tvtropes. I think it's interesting that you brought it up there in the second person section. I never thought about it, but now that you mentioned it, it really is weird to me that the second person POV is breaking it. Anyway, you know, the Dragon Lord is all in third person and it switches back and forth between Rose and Dragon's point of view and it writes both of their thoughts quite a bit throughout the story except in dialogue and actions, I think. Is that what you were refering? That you can't easily vocalize thoughts in third person unless the character is alone or isn't in a large group? I just started writing an original story in first person, and it's a bit difficult.

Parts like this for example: "I was alone that night, hiding in the closet like an idiot, and you were there, going on with your life as usual. I couldn't watch anymore. Or should it be: >"I was alone that night, hiding in the closet like an idiot, and he was there, going on with his life as usual. I couldn't watch anymore. Are both of those still in first person, and could they be interchanged without confusing the audience since the main character is focused on one person? I get the feeling that if the main character's thinking about a character as "he" or "you" that only one should be used consistently, am I right? But I think using "you" sets a certain mood, and it might make the audience eerie.

Anyway, again, I'm grateful that you wrote and posted this. Wait, does this guide break the fourth wall, too?

31. Site: Lunaescence
Work: Chapter 1 of “The Mary-Sue Complaints Checklist”
Said by: Tea Time

Some months ago, in responding to one of my reviews, you mentioned something about reader-inserts or second person, and I thought it was ironic that some of your guides were in second-person and breaking the fourth wall.

In response to your message, I never thought you hated second-person stories, hahaha. You were the first person, (no pun intended ), I knew who didn't write them, (at the time), but didn't disparage them. It's like the difference between shounen manga and shounen ai. They're similar because there's boys, but there's an obvious difference because they're targeting two different audiences, and I wouldn't ask someone who normally reads shounen to check out this shounen ai that I've written.

I appreciate you adding onto this chapter though. It was very detailed and easy to understand, though you lost me on the certain part when you were explaining the tenses. I had no idea there was a future tense. Writing a whole story in future tense? It sounds more like something a houdini would pull out of their... hat. I've never known which tense to write a second person story in, so I've always just relied on writing it in past because I found it to be most comfortable. I'll probably try to write in present tense in the future.

"The Quiet Adventures of an Introvert" sounds interesting! Just by reading that dialogue I feel like I can relate to that main character and how she feels as that guy is chatting her up, but it's natural that I'm attracted to and want to empathize with similar personalities in characters anyway. It's like with second person stories and reader-inserts. You mentioned that there's a distinct difference between a reader-insert and a story written in second person, which is logical, but this is the first time I've ever considered it. I feel like I don't even know what a reader-insert is anymore because not long ago I came to a conclusion that they were just stories with OCs written in second person. I want the main character to be full of soul and personality rather than being flat or bland, but I still want to involve the reader in the story. Since it's reader-insert though, and occasionally some readers think "She's nothing like me! Her personality is wrong!" (like you wrote in the section "No one reader has the same personality!"), but don't understand that whether the character's a hollow shell, or half full, it's still an OC no matter what. This also leads me to your added example by John Dufrense about how to read second person stories, and I don't think it can be said any better.

Anyway, I actually tried to write in present-tense once, but it felt weird, so I gave up. To me, writing in third person (I've actually attempted to write in third person) feels most restrictive. Speaking of which, that chapter in SAR that's written in Gaara's point of view was my first serious attempt at writing in it and in a male's perspective! First person and second person just seems a lot more... Personal to me in a ways of communicating with the reader as if you're talking to them directly. Yeah, so how does it feel writing a second person story. Do you find yourself accidentally switching back to "she" or "I" instead of "you"? I did that a lot with my first attempts at writing in first person. It was like trying to quit smoking, (I'm joking), but I eventually went back to smoking, (I don't smoke), so I failed. D:

32. Site: Lunaescence
Work: Chapter 7 of “A Smile to Hide”
Said by: Rougeberry

Wow, this chapter fills in all of the holes as Kimberly thought earlier in the chapter! My mind feels more at ease for her now, and I'm glad it was really Mr. Talbot and not a fake. I was scared that it was a fake and that she was about to get kidnapped. Stranger danger! Especially out in a park somewhere, where mythical creatures wander about. You did a really great explaining all of the shape-shifter stuff. Before, the idea of shape-shifters were kind of boring to me, but you made them seem exciting! I wanna read more about shape-shifters now. About curious about Father Gordon now, and whether he really is an antagonist or might just be a Snape instead! Anyway, poor Kim, (and especially poor Quanisha), I hope she eventually finds the truth behind Quanisha's murder.

And I took your quiz! It was fun! I got Bala Lakshman first, and then I got Iona Aeson. I like all of the love interests already! They're so interesting, and most of all their names are cool! Oh my gosh, Cash! Like Johnny Cash. I love that name. ♥ Do you use wikipedia for skin colors?

33. Site: Lunaescence
Work: “Telling your Friend They Have a Mary-Sue”
Said by: Murder-chan

I saw this and I was like "oh, lordy-lou, another mary sue critique. . . "

And then you said exactly what bothers me about the whole Mary Sue phenomenon right away, oh my goodness. Thank you very much.

This is exactly what people need to understand about Mary Sues that never gets said, and a lot of stuff about critique that I really wish I had access to a long time ago.

/+fav, +5 adoration

34. Site: Lunaescence
Work: Chapter 1 of “Things I Wish I Could Tell Reviewers Without Looking Like a Total Jerk”
Said by: Pocky (anonymous)

I totally understand where you're coming from. I get disappointed when I receive generic reviews like "Nice", "This is good", "Keep on writing", "Great chapter!", "I like your story" or something along those lines. I would rather have reviewers nitpick or tell me their impressions about my story. I WANT to hear them tell me their predictions, if my characterization is on point, what doesn't make sense or what they like, etc. To me, just giving me praises is lazy.

Also, what I don't like is when I get a review telling me to change the rating of my story, or telling me what isn't allowed. For example what they consider explicit isn't the same as what I consider (which is implying but never revealing any details -- which is exactly what the site's rules state for my rating). This is very rare, but I have had a few telling me "Ew, yaoi sucks" or something along those lines. It one of those times I'm like....really? Why are you even reading/reviewing this story for?

Have you ever gotten those?

35. Site: Lunaescence
Work: Chapter 1 of “Things I Wish I Could Tell Some Reviewers Without Looking Like a Total Jerk”
Said by: anonymous (anonymous)

Well shit, now i know i'm a bad commenter/reviewer. I'm guilty of doing some of these, I know that (more often just "great story" or "i cant wait to see more" or something to that effect), and being a writer myself, i know that it can be frustrating when you want to know what was good and where you went wrong, but i know there's times where i'm not sure what to say or how to phrase it and i panic and just put down a quick something (or i'm in a hurry and want to at least leave something nice). i've never minded short comments like that but i get why they'd be annoying and i'll have to start watching what i say from now on, since writers do deserve proper critiques/comments

36. Site: Lunaescence
Work: Chapter 1 of “Things I Wish I Could Tell Some Reviewers Without Looking Like a Total Jerk”
Said by: Jacquie

I love that you took the time to write on such an interesting topic. I think this is a conversation that needs to be had and I hope that it is alright that I give my personal perspective here in a review.

Specifically, I particularly enjoyed your last few paragraphs, I felt that they provided more clarity to some of your examples in the above work. Having been a writer for about six years, I understand your frustration. It is nice when a reviewer takes the time to personalize a review, however, I disagree that it should be expected. I am not a professional writer and most readers are not professional critics.

I agree that it is your right to find some of these comments annoying, I feel like as writers we need to remember that reviewers leave their comments because they hope to make the author realize something about their story (even if it is only one word to show their appreciation).

I personally like to give my reviewers the benefit of the doubt. They are taking their own personal time to review my story and I don’t believe comments like ‘this is so cool/cute/wonderful’ (comment 20) are meant to be annoying, just as comments like ‘I’m disappointed by (whatever)’ (comment 10) aren’t meant to be malicious. If a reader didn’t care, they wouldn’t bother even leaving a review.

However, I also feel that, as an author, I should be gracious and remember that in the end I am writing first for myself and second for a larger community and if others wish to give me their thoughts (however long or short, positive or negative) I should be happy that they took the time - believe me I find this difficult sometimes. Please remember that this is just my opinion and please don’t feel like I am trying to project my ideas on to you or anyone else. I just love engaging in discussions and dialogues of this nature. I appreciate you taking the time to start one.

…..VERY CUTE. ….. PLZ UPDATE SOON! *hides from pelted tomatoes* Just kidding. I swear. *runs for life*

37. Site: Lunaescence
Work: “Cheater! (OC Version)”
Said by: SacredTear

Y'know, I'm actually kind of appalled that this story does not have any reviews. I'm not sure if you remember my rant I had posted awhile ago when I was complaining on how authors respond to reviews (you were literally the only one who agreed with me lol) but reviews are something that just really irk me. Here is this amazing and super well written story, and it has no reviews whatsoever... Yet when crappy stories with only 100 words a chapter are published, they get millions of reviews. That is just....so awfully unfair.

So I just want you to know that this story was SO awesome and I loved it thoroughly! I really liked all of the work you put into it with all of the initials and code work and all of that stuff. I had a feeling it was Kasumi from the start, but you definitely threw me off when they were sitting together at lunch! Seems it threw Kyouya off too XD You did so well with the mystery of it all! And it was such a joy to read throughout.

You seriously did an awesome job on this and it really shows that you spent a lot of time writing it. I enjoyed it immensely and I just want you to know not to take the review count personally...I feel a lot of people don't recognize talent around here and this story proves that. This was AMAZING and no one felt the need to tell you. Well that's what I'm here for You did fantastic and your writing is simply amazing. Keep up the wonderful work and thank you for working so hard on this wonderful one shot! ^^